| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2009|05:04 pm] |
I had a dream i pooped in my pants at a party.
Last night Ray told me he used to fuck Johns for cash while he was in drag.
This was when he was at the tender age of sixteen.
He said he stopped after a cholo pulled a gun on him and "a friend" while ray was getting his dick sucked in a car in L.A.
I'm glad he is still alive to tell me such entertaining stories. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2009|01:49 pm] |
Last night i had a dream
a woman trusted a psycho killer
he turned on her
tied her down
and started hacking at the tip of her pussy
in order to torture her
without killing her
she cried
not because she was in pain
but because she trusted him not to do it
the dream ended with him making a small incission in her belly
and sticking his finger inside the incission
then i woke up to my mom spiling cat food all over my floor
and chasing calliope and cicley around my room |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 10th, 2009|10:12 am] |
Denied again last night.
Am I really that unattractive?
If I touch someones google they should automatically give it me.
I rubbed his belly and he shook his head and went to sleep.
I masturbated while he snored. What a bastard I thought as i came on my shirt.
Exhausted furious frustrated I also went to sleep. |
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| I have returned |
[Mar. 9th, 2009|09:05 pm] |
Today i woke feeling sorry for myself
I didn't get fucked last night.
My penis didn't get attention.
That all I want right now.
My member needs some caressing.
Doesn't matter from who.
I slept in a bed with ashley and josh.
I had a hard on the whole night.
Ashley and I rubbed each others feet with our own.
I put my arm around her and kissed her neck.
She giggled and turned away.
Extremely pissed I went to sleep
Woke up while ashley was getting ready for work
Josh was inching his ass toward me
I touched his feet with mine
Same reaction.
he turned away
Extremely pissed i went back to sleep
All day i have been eating sloppy joes and napping
My brain hurts from all the canned heat i have consumed
if i have caused myself slight brain damage
i haven't noticed
made some collages today
we will see what becaomes of them
i'm hopeful
I'm hoping that if i make enough artwork
someone will touch my weiner. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 10th, 2009|08:19 pm] |
I haven't done anything today just like yesterday and the day before that. All i have done besides rest and paint is feast like a pregnant woman. My belly is the size of a beach ball and i feel on the verge of giving birth to a beautiful heavy child. This situation is symbolic of my creative motherhood and the completion, or birth, of my latest painting. Tomorrow is my offspring's due date and I am thrilled. The pregnancy period is demanding but i will miss it.
I haven't left my house in a few days. This hermetic lifestyle will suffice for now but the suppression of my craziness will cause a build of repressed feelings resulting in a mess. I know myself too well. I'm looking forward to that mess. My dormant craziness is begging to resurface. The more repressed i feel the more intense my reaction will be. The ride i will embark on is sure to be a blast. |
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| Ackward Silence |
[Nov. 27th, 2008|07:35 am] |
Sal took Rob by surprise. She had always been a meek girl, but lately the spirit of adventure flowed through her body and drove her to do irrational things. Unreasonable activities such as breaking and entering the dingy apartment of her current crush, Rob, were just another adventure fueled by her new acquisition of a chaotic spirit. Sally sat in Rob’s ochre crushed velvet armchair which was placed in the center of his living room. There was a small table with a television on it to keep the chair company. She had turned the chair toward the door and away from the television in order to exaggerate her already dramatic performance.
“Surprise, Mon Cher”, She said, as he walked in, with a sinister grin on her face and her left brow raised high.
“Gees Sal ya cared the shit out of me…,” Rob said in such a monotone voice it seemed to have a hint of sarcasm in it.
She was glad to know Rob was not clever enough to be sarcastic.Sal immediate felt like her efforts were worthless. She was new to this adventurous persona and was still working out the kinks. Next time she knew not to waste her mischief on sticks in the mud like Rob.
“Nice to see you too.” she said sardonically.
She couldn’t help but obsess over him. Sally had an unhealthy obsession with stupid men. Idiots like Rob proposed a difficult challenge. They were too stupid to notice her great intelligence which intrigued her. The cloudy mind of the idiotic gave her just enough struggles to be satisfied. An intelligent man was too relatable. Sal also had excellent taste in woman and could easily get along with any female but again there wasn’t a struggle involved. Sal craved the pain only and man with few thoughts could bring her. Her biggest problem was once she had the attention of a male she deemed suitably sluggish, her game was over. She lost interest in him and sought out another hopeless prospect.
“So why didja come by? Didja have something ta tell me?”
Rob looked confused. He didn’t understand Sal’s intentions because she kept them hidden. Once she gave them away the game was over. He was obsessed with her because she was bright and liked him, for what reasons he didn’t understand.
Whenever he made advancements she retreated and he wouldn’t see her for weeks. He was lame, but he knew not to let her now how he really felt in order to see more of her. Rob just figured he had a crush on a lesbian.
“I just wanted to return the DVD you let me borrow, the samurai rebellion.”
“Thanks, Sal….How did you get in?”
“Your bathroom window was open.”
“Fuck Sal….”
“Do you have any cigarettes?”
“All out…”
“Shit!...”
(Awkward silence) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2008|11:32 am] |
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EVERT IT IS HARD TO STAY IN CONTACT WITH YOU. I THINK WE BOTH NEED CELLPHONES. MY HOUSE PHONE NUMBER IS 909 920 3378. CALL ME!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2008|03:36 pm] |
Meagan gave me a psychological examination last night and she diagnosed me as a closet lesbian.
I think she might be right.
Anyways or how........
Last night i made it.
I finally reached Juliette in Venice.
I don't feel like the nuttiest person anymore.
I needed that. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 13th, 2008|10:05 am] |
Megan kicked me out.
I got naked in front of Eric yesterday morning...there was sexual tension
Eric Dedorian catered a Jewish gay wedding the other day.
I'm not sure which day because i didn't ask him. He drank enough to make him beligerant like the the four walters coworkers that were with him. A drunk man drove the four of them home. Eric, the wild drunk he is, wanted some air. while he reached outside the car window for air, sitting on the windows ledge, the driver make a quick left turn. Eric fell out of the car leaving him with scabs that covered his right arm. Emily said it was a hilarious spectical. Erica didn't think i was as funny. The past two nights i begged erica for some of her birthday jack daniels. She wouldn't give me any because she was disturbed by the effects of alchohalism. Eric wouldn't allow me to quench my thirst because he had a scar on his right arm that reminded him of what an idiot alchohal can make people become.
I called Emily last night so she could comfort me because i thought she could be the one person that could cure me. when she got to Eric's pad i begged Erica again for liquor and it made her angry. I told Eric if he didn't give me alcohol then i would just steal it. He didn't give me what i wanted. I looked at him in the the face and said "do i look innocent?" and left with Emily to steal a bottle of Robert Mondovi Cabernet Sauvignon. I told Eric and Erica that i might be insane but at least they will never forget me.
I would write about last night, but I'm hung over and on the verge of tears. If i write about last night it would drive me to drown myself in Venice beach. The only thing i will say is I'm safe in an apartment in Santa Monica. I can see the beach from Emily's window.
I tried to get naked in front of Emily last night......but she wouldn't let me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2008|01:09 pm] |
Last night i was drunk and got naked in front of Meagan. She told me i have a European body because i am so hairy.
Earlier we drank a pitcher of iced coffee and she let me have some of her fake zanex pills. After that i went on you tube and sang to Bjork, Kate bush, La Caita, and Black Orpheus videos. I was balling during every song. My tears made it difficult to sing, but it felt relieving.
After that emotional outburst i was hyper sensitive the rest of the night.
I sang "unravel" and "pearly dewdrop drops" to a girl named Sarah that came to meagan's after the bobb bruno show. She told me she liked my voice and i should sing more often.
Singing makes me cry. I like crying, So i think i will sing more often.
From La Caita
El pájaro negro Lyrics by Tony Gatlif
You, you're a stork
Who has landed on Earth.
Me, I'm a black bird who has taken flight.
Why does your wicked mouth spit on me?
What harm is it to you
That my skin is dark...
And my hair gypsy black?
From Isabelle the Catholic...
From Hitler to Franco...
We have been the victims
of their wars.
Some evenings, some evenings
Like many other evenings...
Some evenings I find myself envying...
The respect that you give to your dog.
Why does your wicked mouth spit on me?
What harm is it to you
That my skin is dark...
And my hair gypsy black?
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2008|12:41 pm] |
I have always been a coward.
A forgotten form hiding in the shadows of others.
Until smoke filled my room from the fires outside.
the sun set flames to my hiding place.
When i ran outside mother earth was waiting for me with a blue bull by her side.
She told me to climb onto the bull and trust that the bull would know where to go.
I have always been a coward, but no this time.
This time i didn't have a home to hide in.
This time the sun was blazing in the sky to guide the bull to salvation.
This time mother earth was on my side.
Now when i look at my reflection on the surface of water I can see a gold lion looking back at me.
A new acquisition i will never loose.
The fire of the sun warms my body now.
I can feel the blood pumping through my veins by my heart.
I can feel my blood circulating throughout my body.
Earth never felt so tiny and so large an the same time.
Music has never made me want to live so badly.
I have never been so concsious of my existence.
I am here!
And I'm going to let you know it.
You will receive my gifts whether you would like to except them or not.
Water will fill the streets.
It will go with me everywhere i go.
It will feed mother earth as well, with the help of the sun. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 4th, 2008|05:51 am] |
Kelly
September 25th, the first day of Cynde miller’s art portfolio class, I walked into the white walled room filled with a variety of characters all art school hopefuls. I avoided eye contact with Cynde while looking for an open seat to sit in. Since I was late the only available seats were at the back of the room. Looking left after entering the room I locked eyes with Kelly, her seat was in the far corner like a child in detention. She seemed liked a thirty something year old going through a mid life crisis who decided she needed a career change. She wanted to be an artist. Her black stringy hair framed her full pale face which nested her bulging eyes that stared back at me. Her eyes were a sad blue and they were framed by sad pink lids. I looked away nervously determined to find a place to set my belongings.
Weeks past and cynde, an art guru with a façade of a soccer mom asked me if I would like to look at Kelly’s work.
“I think you would be interested.” I thought, why not?
“Sure!”
Cynde led me to a small red sculpture set on a table near the class room door. It was a plastic banana sliced in half, pierced with needles and painted red. The opening of the banana displayed the convergence of all the needles points that formed the stem of the pierced phallus banana
I looked into Kelly’s water well eyes. She explained to me that it was open for interpretation. The sculpture gave me feelings of sexual repression. I could feel the needles piercing the cock inside my pants. But at the same time, her sculpture was pleasantly organic looking. Cynde was filled with excitement. Her eyes widened and she began making enthusiastic hand gestures when she spoke.
“I see a penis! I see a vagina!” she said moving her head around the red phallus to gain different perspectives.” It’s so ambiguous. You have made and androgynous piece.”
I was shocked a feeble looking woman like Kelly could make something so powerful. Her doughty stature and plain face was a disguise but her eyes told the truth. Overwhelmed by her piece all I could say was
“It’s beautiful”
Kelly once again looked at me with her pink Saturn ringed icy blue universes sucked into
all consuming black holes. With her hands clasped in front of her and in a sorry tone she said’ “thank you.” |
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